You've probably heard of toxic relationships and toxic workplaces. Maybe you know someone who works extra hard to not be toxic. -But there's such a thing as working too hard to keep everything positive. It's called toxic positivity, and can be just as damaging as blatant mistreatment.
In the hit T.V. show,
The Office, Michael Scott is a terrible business manager in many ways. He’s immature and narcissistic, making his leadership quite erratic. We love to laugh at how absurdly he acts; he’s one of the most self-unaware bosses ever!
We don’t mean to pile on the guy. He’s actually a good man with his heart in the right place. He works very hard to instill a culture of positivity at Dunder Mifflin. The problem is that he goes too far with it. He refuses to acknowledge when employees are struggling in the office; the only negativity allowed is any that’s directed at poor Toby Flenderson, the long-suffering head of HR.
Yikes! Invalidating your employee’s negative feelings and trying to gloss over them with shiny happy ones can only lead to deeper troubles. Don’t gaslight your employees with toxic positivity because you’ll see that backfire.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Encouraging relentless optimism is one of the core features of toxic positivity. It’s the action of ignoring any feelings or reactions that aren’t positive, happy, or optimistic. Toxic positivity pushes aside all other feelings in favor of projecting only good vibes.
Sure, a happy and upbeat atmosphere is wonderful. However, it isn’t natural to maintain that single note. The
COVID Impact Survey found that 60% of American workers have negative feelings, including anxiety and depression, every week.
Insisting on only expressions of positivity and enthusiasm is invalidating the average human experience. It suggests that anybody who displays doubt, hurt, fear, or any other negative thoughts is showing weakness and are a total morale buster.
Unfortunately, toxic positivity isn’t just a workspace phenomenon. Our society is trending more and more to that “just keep swimming” mentality; have you ever noticed those uplifting and cheeky signs everywhere with cute and pithy uplifting statements? “Good vibes only,” “Keep Smiling,” and, of course, the obvious, “Stay Positive” are all inspirational wall decor you can buy for your home or office. These encouragements are often disguised as motivational but actually lack empathy.
This strong-arming of positive attitudes come from a good place with good intentions. So how can a positive attitude actually be negative?
How Toxic Positivity Can Backfire
When optimism and upbeat attitudes are the pervasively acceptable emotions at work, employees aren’t likely to feel safe. We all have our bad experiences, days, and even bad periods. It’s critical for people to let that out; we can end up with massive mental health complications if we don’t.
Unfortunately, one survey indicated that
75% of the people who answered “sometimes, often, or very often ignore their emotions in favor of being happy.” The risk of this is that these employees can wind up questioning themselves, wondering why they feel this way when nobody else does. They internalize the problem as being them, not the company culture. Therefore, they assume something must be wrong with them.
Multiple studies have indicated that hiding feelings increases depression and anxiety. It has other effects that can impact the entire office in negative ways.
- The employees may feel guilt for being such a downer
- They can’t connect with leadership and co-workers
- Increased stress levels, with physical effects, such as elevated heart rate
- Staff doesn’t trust each other because they can pick up on the cues of faking your feelings
- Loss of productivity as well as hiding mistakes
- Burnout, ultimately eroding company culture
What Toxic Positivity Looks Like in the Office
Nearly
68% of workers polled by Science of People felt that they’d been exposed to toxic positivity in the past week. It can be hit-you-over-the-head obvious, or it can take more subtle forms where you almost don’t even notice it.
Here are a few signs to watch out for around your office.
Teammates belittle each other’s feelings.
It can be subtle and not presented in a mean way, but it’s still dismissive. When co-workers or managers gloss over an employee’s very real, very valid emotions, that’s toxic positivity. A toxic workplace can gaslight employees into thinking they shouldn’t feel a certain way.
However, it’s vital for staff to be allowed to vent about work frustrations or to worry and even rage if they mess up. Letting these feelings out is healthy, or else they’ll explode down the road. Co-workers shouldn’t minimize these uncomfortable emotions.
Managers don’t admit there’s cause for concern when there clearly is.
This can come from a place of kindness; a manager may not want to freak out the employees if she or he doesn’t need to. But this approach only makes matters worse because employees can tell when their leadership isn’t being upfront. They may feel lied to and lose all trust in leadership.
Instead, management should earn employees' confidence by showing decisive action. If something is going wrong within the company, it’s best to be honest about it. Then, start making contingency plans to assure employees that company leadership is doing everything they can to make whatever happens a soft landing.
Staff is afraid to give constructive criticism or any feedback at all.
Feedback is often appreciated as a way to make improvements, but it isn’t worthwhile if employees are too afraid to be honest about their opinions and insights. A company won’t be able to move forward without sincere input from its staff. When all criticism is welcomed, more varied ideas can be presented and open new pathways for the company.
How a Leader Can be Positive Without Being Toxic
It’s tricky to walk that thin line between supportive encouragement and toxic, but it’s all about learning priorities and how to have hard conversations. An AP survey found that only
28% of business leaders are good at having difficult conversations, according to their employees. (Learn more about Dare to Lead™, and how it specifically addresses this.)
It may feel counterproductive to lean into difficult emotions, but that’s what needs to happen. Instead of trying to sweep them under the rug, hoping they go away, recognize and validate those less-than-stellar feelings. Display empathy with phrases like, “That sounds hard,” and “It’s OK to be upset about that.”
Put your employees’ well-being first. Check in with them if you feel something isn’t right, like if they gave a poor presentation or had a project flop. Allow them to see that it’s acceptable to take a moment or two to regroup. Encourage a break and let them know that you’re here for them.
Last Thoughts
The world loves a smiling face. Just not when it never stops smiling. The urge to keep unpleasantness away from work is understandable but not realistic. As nice as it might seem, you don’t want a bunch of Stepford employees running around the office. Remember that as much as we hate to see people feeling anything negative, it’s critical to allow true expressions of emotions. Although, maybe some suppression of negativity is called for at times. (Like Michael Scott yelling at Toby Flenderson.)
